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  • Boundary Staff

Report: Wycliffe College Constructing Biblical Ark in Queen's Park

Toronto, ON: Investigators have uncovered a Wycliffe College plot to construct a 7,000-animal yacht in the middle of Queen's Park, apparently in preparation for a flood of apocalyptic proportions. At press time, the boat was only partially finished.

The Boundary's suspicions arose after sightings of four separate, exotic species around the St. George campus.

"Bella the therapy dog, a flock of front campus geese, 9,000 bedbugs and a raccoon resurgence all in the same week? [...] You do the math. . . they escaped. . . they're the lucky ones. But we knew something was up," reported chief Boundary representative Davido Suskini between puffs of a long, thick Cuban cigar.

Captain Meric Gertler will steer the 52,310 ton vessel, HMCS Boundless, according to sources who wished to remain anonymous.

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