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  • Will Stoecker

Top Ten Outfits That’ll Make Your T.A. Ask if Everything's Okay at Home

The fall semester is all about first impressions, a time to put your best foot forward and prove to your classmates and peers that you’re not even remotely close to having a stable social life or commendable time management skills.

This season, prove to everyone that you mean business, with ten looks that will definitely say:

“Hey, I’m a die-hard academic, to a point where I have literally forgotten how to be a functional human being.”

But more importantly, put the people who are responsible for grading your paper in the uncomfortable position of having to check up on you in front of the entire tutorial.

1. The T-Shirt That You Definitely Slept in the Night Prior

This one’s a classic. Preferably, it should be a graphic tee that a sane person wouldn’t wear in public, and should be at LEAST two sizes too large. Extra style-points are granted if the shirt has a marinara sauce stain on it from the Pizza Pizza panzerotti you mucked at 3am last night.

2. Any Form of Ryerson Apparel

This is the best and easiest way to say, “I won’t be in this class long so don’t bother learning my name.”

3. Forgetting to Place Your Junk Back In Your Pants After Frantically Running Out of the Men’s Room

Fellas… we’ve all been there.

4. A Skule Engineering Jacket When You Clearly Aren’t in Engineering

This one might actually be considered a misdemeanour on campus… I could be wrong, but take the risk anyways. Style knows no bounds.

5. Using Your Septum Piercing as a Key Ring

Hear me out on this one. It’s edgy, functional, and it demands the attention of every student and security guard in a 100-meter radius. Extra style-points granted if you keep your dorm keycard on the ring.

6. Something That Looks Designed by Kanye (But Make Sure You Wear it with the Same Mental Stability as Kanye)

Sure, you’ll look homeless, but you can go home at night with a smile on your face knowing that your dad will call, screaming, asking why you used his credit card to spend $600 at Nordstrom.

7. Just Impersonate a Campus Police Officer

Hey, listen, if strippers can roleplay as officers of the law and get away with it, why can’t you do the same in your 9am philosophy lecture. This look is much more effective if you just don’t acknowledge it. And if some asshole calls you out on it, just play it cute and shy: “Oh, this old thing? I just didn’t have any other clean clothes, laundry day amirite?” Works. Every. Time.

8. Morphsuit. Nothing Else

The official uniform of over-enthusiastic college sports fans and over-committed bank robbers, alike.

9. Cineplex 3D Glasses with the Lenses Popped Out

Don’t even bother trying to scratch out the Cineplex logos on the side, branding is everything these days.

10. A Supreme Red Box Logo White Tee, But with the CustomInk Tag Still Attached

You wanna be trendy and up-to-date with the latest streetwear brands, but you’re a real frugal “Do-It-Yourself” cat. Cut out the middleman!

And there you have it! Ten outfits that are guaranteed to put the people who are responsible for grading your paper in the uncomfortable position of having to check up on you in front of the entire tutorial. Now go ahead and strut your stuff.

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