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“Burwash Has Never Tasted Better,” Says Student with COVID


Most people who lose their sense of smell and taste as a result of being COVID-positive look forward to the day they can enjoy their favourite meals again, but one Victoria College student has no qualms about her sensory deprivation. Third year student and local COVID-hotspot Jenny Todd claims that “Burwash [food] has never tasted better," citing her complete lack of taste as the key ingredient behind this revelation.


“Before I got COVID, I could taste every rancid accent in the Burwash classics charred tofu in the lamb tagine, vague notes of pork in the lemon-lard cake, and worst of all, the mystery (most likely horse) chunks on the meat lover’s pizza. But now, if they liquified all three of those up and served it to me, all I would taste is water. It really is a Christmas miracle.”


Ironically, the student had eaten this combination of leftovers before, having known it as the “Sour Morrocan-Italian Cheesy Slice” that reared its head every month somewhere between the desert fridge and the pizza station. Upon hearing this information, a look of clarity dawned upon Todd, “So that’s what gave me food poisoning. Good to know.”


Despite this new and improved dining experience, Todd notes that other Burwash dishes have remained the same:


“The steak tastes exactly the same as it used to. I like to eat it when I’m feeling sentimental for the true Burwash dining experience; tasting absolutely nothing, yet chewing through what feels like a rubber hockey puck. Really takes me back, y’know?” said Todd, wiping away a couple tears and half-choking on her lunch.


Todd is anxious about the reappearance of her gustatory senses and the subsequent gag reflex from eating Burwash food, but until then, she can be found happily munching on some jaw-strengthening steak.


Photo Credit: Madeleine Beckett & Natalie Cader-Beutel


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