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"Corona Solely Killed My Job Prospects,” Laments Philosophy Student


Everyone talks about how frontline workers and small business owners have been affected by the pandemic. But for many philosophy majors, such as graduating student and post-structuralist Sam Banerjee, the pandemic indicates a loss of valuable resume building experience, and possibly even job prospects. 


“I had this sweet deal lined up at Starbucks before this whole thing happened, but now that that’s been fucked up, I don’t know what I’m gonna do,” said Banerjee, shakily taking a drag of her last Camel Yellow. “How am I supposed to unlock the nuances of the unconscious ‘I’ as it exists in a post-structural context if I can’t make Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccinos?”


In order to cope, Banerjee has resorted to stress-cuffing her stylishly ill-fitting thrifted jeans.


“I had my entire post-undergrad career set out. Mail clerk at Steve’s Music Store, professor at Harvard University, Berggruen prize. My name was gonna be up there with Arendt and Derrida, but now I’m just an Ayn Rand.”


For the time being, Banerjee plans to continue submitting articles to Medium.



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The Boundary is the University of Toronto's Satire Paper