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Gertler Delays Divestment Because Driving a Sports Car “Really Fucking Fun”


TORONTO - Heads turn down St. George street as an Aston Martin DBS convertible races past and turns down the lane to Convocation Hall. “Keep it running,” chides University of Toronto President Meric Gertler as he tosses the keys to his personal valet.


Climate groups have roundly criticized Gertler for not pressuring the university’s colleges to divest from fossil fuels. This comes in the wake of Princeton and other prominent colleges’ decision to divest. “Well, to that I’d say that we are the ‘Harvard of the north,’ and not the ‘Princeton of the north,’” Gertler explained as he hurried past protestors to his office at Simcoe Hall.


The University has committed to a greener campus, but critics point out the lack of urgency in its implementation. While the University of Toronto has divested, a number of its federated colleges have not, including Victoria College. “I can’t force them to divest, so just leave me alone,” an exasperated Gertler told The Boundary. “Besides, this car uses gasoline, and, to be completely honest with you, driving it is really fucking fun,” he said putting on his sunglasses and revving the engine.


Driving off, Gertler assured the protestors that he empathized with them, raising a fist in solidarity as his car went from zero to 100 kilometres an hour in 3.4 seconds.


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