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Prof Crowd-surfs Out of Final Lecture


Applauding one’s professor at the end of a semester is a tradition as old as drunken trips to Papa Ceo’s. But the students in RSM421: Accounting for Metalheads have taken showing their appreciation for a great semester to a whole new level.


“They hoisted me up into the air, like I was Ziggy Pop,” explains Alistair Winstanley, the octogenarian professor who crowd-surfed through Carr Hall last Tuesday. “I thought I was going to be teaching students recovering from craniotomies, not some lumpen leather clad loonies”.


While Winstanley and his rear end maintain that the students should have more evenly distributed their strength, many professors say that they would give anything for such diehard students. Following a round of slow-claps in response to his final lecture, one Engineering prof has reportedly taken a medical leave of absence. Even worse, an Electrometallurgy professor, misjudging his popularity, stage dived onto his students upon the completion of a nifty powerpoint. Services will be held this Monday at the Knox Presbyterian Church.


In response to these recent developments, the university has released a public statement vowing for an “end to all hijinks” and banning crowd surfing as a mode of transport on campus. They have further promised to install light-up “Applaud Now” signs in lecture halls as a means of preserving the self-confidence and sanity of the university’s more dull professors. Moreover, for those still concerned about the omnipresent threat of campus crowd surfing, the university has reaffirmed its most sincere intention to eradicate the practice, and to enforce new regulations with the same tenacity and resolve as Ucheck protocols.


Photo Credit: Ludwig van Toronto

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