With classes hitting their stride, students are being bombarded with the requisite flood of housekeeping emails from professors. In all this madness, however, some noticed an unfamiliar subject line in their inboxes: “Request for volunteer note decipherers.” A trusted source (thank you Gary!) disclosed the contents of the email:
“Dear Students,
The volunteer notetaking program is a tremendous asset to UofT students. However, the Accessibility Office noticed that some of these notes look like the scribblings of a belligerently drunk toddler transcribing Charles Manson’s inane ramblings using the Zodiac Killer’s cipher. As such, we are looking for volunteers who can help translate these absurd attempts at literacy into something more resembling English.
To apply for the role, we ask that you display expertise in forensic linguistics or archaeology, because your classmate’s handwriting makes Egyptian hieroglyphs look like Times New Roman.”
The new initiative drew mixed reactions from the student body. On one hand, students who felt “gaslighted into thinking they’d developed a rare form of dyslexia” lauded the Accessibility Office for addressing the dire state of the notes.
Meanwhile, students like fourth-year Mickey O'Halligan expressed that they found the new initiative pointless. “I’ve been volunteering as a note-taker since first year, and it’s so rewarding to give classmates the help that they need to thrive.”
After consulting reliable sources (thanks again Gary!), Boundary reporters were surprised to learn that O’Halligan––UofT’s top ranked note-taker––does not even know how to write. “At the end of the day, it's not about whether people can read the notes. It's about the extra credit I get for writing them."
Photo Credit: Joseph Strauss