As the end of the fall semester looms, UofT students everywhere feel the increased burden of final assignments, exams, and existential crises weighing down on them. Having already cut out unnecessary tasks like sleeping and blinking, fourth-year student Rory Levinson was running out of ways to save time—until a genius idea came to him in the middle of his third consecutive all-nighter: “I heard whispers of all the failing psych majors in my life, and it was then that I realized, I just needed to drop my depression,” explained Levinson.
Initially, Levinson worried that dropping depression wouldn’t leave him with enough FCEs to fulfill the mental illness breadth requirement, but decided that he’d simply enrol again during winter semester.
In a move that would please boomers all over Facebook, Levinson simply “decided not to be depressed anymore,” shakily scribbling ‘Be HaPpY!!:)’ in every empty slot on his daily calendar. While the denial-ridden student has convinced himself he’s fine, his friends and family are more concerned.
“He’s not not depressed right now, he’s just depressed next to a ‘Live Love Laugh’ poster,” claims Levinson’s best friend, Anna McEntyre. “No one who forcefully smiles like the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland is doing fine… he shouldn’t have to put his mental wellbeing on the back-burner to succeed at UofT.”
“Oh, I’m FINE,” pushed Levinson while feeding his hand-written lecture notes into a paper shredder. “I was supposed to use the extra time I’ve gained from dropping my depression to study, but weirdly, every time I isolate myself for weeks to ace an exam, I feel like shit. So I’m just getting ahead of it.”
Photo Credit: Jonathan Katz
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If you or any other student is struggling with depression or any kind of mental illness, we urge to you utilize the following services (all available 24/7):
· Navi (UofT) Mental Health Wayfinder at https://prod.virtualagent.utoronto.ca
· U of T My Student Support Program (MySSP) at (1-844-451-9700)
· Good 2 Talk Student Helpline at (1-866-925-5454)
· Ontario Mental Health Helpline at (1-866-531-2600)
· Gerstein Centre Crisis Line at (416-929-5200)
· Crisis Text Line at https://www.crisistextline.ca
· Canada Suicide Prevention Service at (1-833-456-4566)