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  • Daniel Golden

Student Under Mistletoe Kisses Law School Dreams Goodbye

The holiday season is upon us once more: a time for holly, jolly, and ghostly nighttime visitations. But no such festivities are on the horizon for Ruth Darrow, a 3rd year Criminology major mourning the felonious demise of her law school dreams.

Leaving the Bora Laskin Library late last night, Darrow made her way home, LSAT book in hand. Planning to watch 12 Angry Men for the ninth time that week, she was blissfully unaware of the trials she would soon be put through. Her roommate had spent the day decorating for Christmas, hanging an obligate hemiparasitic plant above the front room door. A plant better known by its alias: mistletoe.

Darrow injudiciously burst through the apartment door, not realising what she had done. By the time she gazed up, it was too late. She found herself below the holiday plant which, as precedent dictated, required those beneath it to engage in dubiously consensual snogging. After summoning her roommate as a witness, Darrow puckered up and kissed her legal dreams goodbye, drenching her textbook with slobber and tears.

“I fear the case is lost!” Darrow told our Boundary Legal Correspondent. “My only hope is to appeal the plant’s most vicious verdict, and demonstrate that while mistletoe confers a de facto obligation to engage in public canoodling, this does not hold up de jure. At that point, the burden of proof falls on me to expose this yuletide quid pro quo as nothing other than a violation of section two of the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms. And if that’s too hard, I guess I’ll just become a paralegal.”



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