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"There is No Racism in Canada," Says Glassy-Eyed Singh


Following NDP MP Jagmeet Singh’s expulsion from the House of Commons after refusing to apologize for calling Bloc Québécois MP Alain Therrien a “racist,” Singh disappeared from the public eye. While friends and family expressed concern over his whereabouts, Trudeau assured all that he was simply “taking time to think.” It must have been an enjoyable break, because today Singh returned and issued a statement to the House, full of contrition and with a suspiciously tranquil air about him. 


“I apologize to the Bloc Québécois and their supporters for ever saying, or even thinking, that they might be racist,” he droned. “Despite telling their party to not vote for me because ‘I don’t look like them,’ I now know that was an entirely harmless remark with no basis in my race or religion.” 


Singh swayed slightly as a large grin spread across his face, “Finally, I sincerely apologize to Therrien. During this time, I know that being called a racist is the biggest injustice a person can suffer. I was wrong. There is no racism in Canada, now or ever.”


When asked about the RCMP’s killing of Rodney Levi last week, Singh’s hands began to tremble. “There is no racism in Canada,” he repeated, beads of sweat forming on his forehead. His eye twitched. 


Aside from the occasional nosebleeds, Singh seems to be happier than ever.



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