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UofT Alumnus Finally Lands Appointment with School Counsellor


Gregg Hopkins, a 1973 UofT graduate, was thrilled to hear back about the counselling request he made in his first year, during an era where professors beating students with sticks was not only allowed, but encouraged. Hopkins requested support after his grades began slipping due to worsening mental health and the added stress of being the first Vic student to try brewing his own kombucha.


“The university said they didn’t have enough resources in the '70s,” said Hopkins. “At that time, all their money was going towards this statue of a dead guy who was famous for building statues of other dead guys.”


However, the university did provide some interim support to ensure Student #891 wouldn’t add to any worrisome statistics. Hopkins was given as many as three mental health pamphlets with such novel wisdom as: “Drink some herbal tea!”; “Try out this new yoga thing, it’s from India!”; and “Just stop being sad!”


“The professors were incredibly understanding,” added Hopkins. “Of course, they didn’t provide me with any extensions, support, or basic empathy. But they did tell me to get some rest and one of them even offered to smack the depression out of me during office hours.”

Hopkins continued, “Eventually I got my grades up and I stopped sleeping, achieving complete emotional numbness. So I guess I still managed to become a model UofT student.”


After only 47 years, three divorces, and five failed TV pilots, Gregg Hopkins will finally begin the intake process. That being said, he will not get in contact with an actual counselor for another month or so. On the bright side, Hopkins will have ample reading time to leaf through UofT’s updated library of brochures such as Water is Good for You and How to Cope with Your Y2K Anxiety.


Photo Credit: Unsplash




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