Having been born a few years before the average student, mature students are older and wiser than the rest of the student population. Mature students can often be spotted in the first row of the lecture hall, wearing dad-rock t-shirts or business casual attire, asking professors what year they were born and how to “Quercus.” They have also been known to sign their name at the end of texts, are responsible for 95% of bald spots in your lecture (though importantly not all of them), and are known to engage in casual racism, making you wonder: is being old okay? Though many don’t draw too much attention to themselves, one mature student’s strange old-fashioned tendencies have been noticed by his classmates.
Debbie Grossman was sitting in her History of Linguistics class when she felt something hit the back of her head. Turning around, she found mature student Bartholomew Samuel Parkerson hammering away on a stone tablet with a chisel. It created quite a mess as he swiped a cloud of dust onto the student sitting to his right. “As inconvenient as it was,” Debbie told us, “I was quite impressed that he was taking notes in cursive.” Another classmate, Victoria college student Annabelle Bobfried, shares her admiration for Parkerson: “His style is so arcane and vintage, it’s a must. Before Common Era is so IN right now.”
The Boundary correspondents were able to interview Parkerson, however, had to switch interviewers upon his demand to speak only to a man. “I writeth the way 'twere meant to be written. Thee all useth tools of Beelzebub!” exclaimed Parkerson. Bartholomew shared that he also enjoys shooing people away with his staff and playing dice. “Aroint thee thou vile fools!” bellowed Parkerson. We, too, were shooed away with his staff.