60lb Dumbbells Lifted From Historic Resting Place in Hart House Weight Room

Toronto ON: Reports flooding The Boundary's headquarters confirm that a pair of 60lb dumbbells were touched and lifted early this morning. The small-boned regulars of the notoriously low-intensity weight room were shocked to see a hulking, 155lb graduate student perform six reps with both of the dumbbells. Interrupting calf raises and bodyweight squats, the entire room froze, awe-struck and unprepared for such a miraculous exhibit of strength. 


"I'm utterly flabbergasted," reported Carl Soukazy, a svelte, streamlined senior. Soukazy confirmed he had seen a "trim-looking undergraduate toy with the idea of 50lb dumbbells a few weeks ago," but eventually abandoned the idea. "It's mind-blowing, like, it doesn't add up," chuckled a regular, shaking his head, as he passed by. "Most of the weight is just here for decoration."

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The Boundary is the University of Toronto's Satire Paper