"The Connections I Get Here Will Totally Help Me Get a Job" Reports Fraternity Brother After Polishing Off 12th Bud Light

 

Toronto, ON: Future venture capitalist Chad Williamson, an ambitious member of one of the University of Toronto's fraternities, explained to a number of confused eighteen-year-olds that sporting his frat sweater, issuing vaguely homophobic comments, and "donating" free tequila shots to unsettled first-years will further his highly-anticipated career as a business leader. 

 

"Yeah, my frat brother Brad has a really good idea for a new type of Bitcoin. Once we get it up and running I'll finally be set to buy my own speed boat and a monster house in the Calgary 'burbs."

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The Boundary is the University of Toronto's Satire Paper