Desperate English Majors Begin Making Animal Sacrifices to Northrop Frye Statue

Toronto, ON: A series of votive offerings -- including the midday slaughtering of over 800 lambs -- and other dedications have been left before the life-size sculpture of Northrop Frye outside Victoria College, which desperate English students have apparently begun worshipping as a god. 

 

Offerings were first presented before the statue roughly two weeks ago, reported campus security, as GPA-related fears led to graphic acts of pagan idolatry by undergraduate students.

 

University officials have expressed "grave concern" at the practice, and representatives of the Faculty of Theology at St. Michael's have reportedly begun an inquisition to address the practice.

 

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The Boundary is the University of Toronto's Satire Paper