Toronto, ON: In a tragic turn of events, art history second-year Lena Kosolofski realized her dream of being able to cook simple meals for herself would never come to fruition due to a strategically placed Ali Baba’s seconds away from her apartment.
Kosolofski was reportedly inspired after watching the latest season of Masterchef and dining at Momofuku “like once or twice.”
“All the Jamie Oliver cookbooks in the world are no match against those goddamn $5.99 falafel wraps,” she said, bloated and reeking of fava beans. “I really, really should have checked out the neighbourhood beforehand. I guess I trusted myself, I guess I. . . I just don't know anymore."
At press time Kosolofski was tearfully discarding rotten avocados while devouring a double-skewer shish tawook platter