Robarts Baristas Nearing End of Eight-Month Tour of Duty

Toronto, ON: With May 1st fast approaching, the battle-hardened baristas at Starbucks’ John P. Robarts Library location are nearing the end of their eight-month tour of duty. The squadron, known as Charlie Company, are bruised, bloody and delirious – admitting to misspelling names and concocting imaginary lattes during their tour – but excited.

 

“What am I most looking forward to? Seeing my family, showering, that type of stuff,” said reduced-fat turkey bacon specialist Sarah Grant.

 

“We’ve grown so close and I’ve learned so much. Coming here, to the Toronto stage, I didn’t know what to expect, you know. It was tough; I won’t lie to you. The toaster exploding in January [sniffling], and mid-terms [wiping away tears]. . . and the past week [sobbing] has been. . . hell on earth. Like, I don't know if I'll be able to assimilate into everyday life. But, really, I couldn't be prouder of myself and my team." 

 

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The Boundary is the University of Toronto's Satire Paper