Biker Yells

Last Thursday, the University of Toronto community was turned upside down by a disturbing event which shook the student body to its very core.

 

In what has been described as a “shocking situation”, Kevin Peters, a University of Toronto student, was heard emitting a thunderous roar from a moving bicycle as he passed Sidney Smith Hall.

 

During his ride in the designated bike lane, Peters had experienced countless obstacles: a slew of manic drivers, reckless UPS trucks, and the flailing arms of burly construction workers. Nonetheless, he maintained his unwavering, steely-eyed disposition. Finally as Peters approached Sidney Smith Hall, area narcissist Jamie Tucker said goodbye to a colleague and began crossing St. George Street without looking in either direction.

 

The perplexed bystanders unanimously agreed that Tucker’s move could certainly be considered a major violation of an established societal norm, and was, “really just kind of a dick move, you know?”

 

Peters, moving far too quickly to turn on a dime for a careless pedestrian, threw caution to the wind; at the top of his lungs, he belted an indescribable string of obscenities and narrowly swerved out of Tucker’s way.

 

Few, if any, students saw this development unfolding. Typically a timid and approachable cohort, bikers have a tendency to navigate the road with ease and grace, weaving a vital strand into the fabric that is Toronto’s diverse transportation community.

 

The biker’s yell was received with utter shock, embarrassment, and hysteria among students and faculty alike. First year student Lisa Waterson compared the outburst to the sound of a “seagull being mauled by an SUV.”

 

University of Toronto officials have agreed to lower the front campus flag to half-mast until further notice.

 

Photo credit: U of T News

 

 

 

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The Boundary is the University of Toronto's Satire Paper