‘Just Call Me Greg,’ Says Professor You Will Learn Nothing From All Semester

The Boundary is receiving reports that Gregory Stephanopoulos, PhD, has casually requested that his entire SOC256 class “just call [him] Greg,” eliminating the possibility that students will leave the course with a greater, if any, understanding of the subject material.

 

Stephanopoulos stated that he simply wants his students--or, “friends,” as he calls them--to “chill out a bit,” and “have some fun with this.”

 

“University is way too competitive, man. First-year dropout rates in STEM (science, technology, engineering, and mathematics) are at an all-time high, second-year GPAs are being decimated by POL200, and honestly, even sociology is becoming a mild nuisance to complete a degree in.” The renowned bird course practitioner continued, “I want my students to feel the joy of learning without all the pressure of grades or intellectual stimulus. You feel me, brother?”

 

While confusion about how on earth Greg landed tenure at the University of Toronto continues to spread, reviews on www.ratemyprofessors.com remain flummoxingly positive.

 

Responding to a request for a follow up interview, Greg simply sent a mass email––à la Varsity Editor-in-Chief, Jack Denton––to The Boundary’s masthead, containing nothing but a hyperlink to a typical RateMyProfessors review.

 

The comment is posted under the dubious-looking username of “Stef9anop09lou59999”. It reads: “GREGs [sic] the best.awesome teach bro. screw UofT. hell yea [sic]."

 

More as the story develops.

 

Photo credit: University of Virginia

 

Share on Facebook
Share on Twitter
Please reload

The Boundary is the University of Toronto's Satire Paper