Rotman Student Autographs Attendance Sheet

It was another Wednesday morning AST101H tutorial: the room was filling up with bright-eyed, bushy-tailed frosh, all equipped with brimming vente blonde roasts and bulging Herschel knapsacks. The scene was calm, jovial even - a certain “bonhomie” floated over the class, as one Parisian exchange student phrased it. 

 

But seven minutes after the class began, an unfamiliar face trudged in, and everything was upended. Third-year Rotman student Chase Manhattan appeared late to the tutorial, hoping to “buoy” his participation grade and prepare for the upcoming exam.

 

“Yeah they’re always pretty surprised to see me,” Manhattan said, “but I mean, can you blame them? You know, I used to be a frosh, too, and having that older, seasoned guy take time out of his day to come and donate his knowledge, it just… it meant a lot to us. I see a lot of myself in these kids,” said Manhattan, shortly after attempting to tussle the hair of third-year anthropology major Jakob Sajko.

 

Manhattan purports to be a “life coach, side-hustler," and “rising YouTube star.” He relayed to The Boundary on three separate occasions that he sells “airtight, super-convenient” meal-prep kits to make extra money and "give something back to the community." 

 

As Manhattan draped his double-breasted peacoat on the back of his chair and settled in, the attendance sheet made its way to Manhattan's neighbour. First-year Matthew Khoury slid the clipboard right under Manhattan’s nose, and offered up his own pen.

 

Manhattan was initially startled, but he quickly checked back in, and motioned for the student to put his pen away. “I’d be honoured,” he said, retrieving a shining Mont Blanc stylo from his shirt pocket.

 

“And to whom should I be making this out to?” Manhattan asked, his eyes wide.

 

Puzzled but indifferent, Khoury flashed a smile and then zeroed in on the teaching assistant's “bit of housekeeping.” Manhattan gathered that the boy was “likely shy and anxious,” and did not want to put him “on the spot.”

 

Manhattan composed himself, pocketed his pen, and passed the clipboard down the line.

 

Third-year Nicole Berger raised her eyebrows, and said to Manhattan: “You didn’t put your [student] number down.” Taken by the “broad’s boldness,” but equally impressed by it, Manhattan obliged. “I like the cut of your jib, young lady - but before I give you The Digits, I’d like to know - how much time and energy do you think you could you save per week if you had your all your meals pre-made, delivered, and overflowing with vitality?”

 

Berger sighed and passed the clipboard onto the next student, just as Chase removed the cap of his pen for the second time.

 

Story is developing; for live updates, please follow Chase Manhattan on Instagram, at @xx_TheyDontWannaSeeMeWin_96_xx

 

 

Share on Facebook
Share on Twitter
Please reload

The Boundary is the University of Toronto's Satire Paper