After reviewing his SOC100 grade on Monday morning, first-year student George Bronson was dismayed to learn that he flunked the entire “Race and Ethnicity” section of the course.
Bronson’s dismay comes as no surprise to the teaching assistants tasked with marking his midterm essay, in which Bronson scribbled two pages of unintelligible drivel in no way relating to the content of the course. When asked why he performed so poorly, Bronson cited a “complete refusal to see colour."
“I just can’t help it, I’m such a proponent of racial equality that I’m no longer able to see race. For example, the only difference I see when I look at these two pictures of Barack Obama and Joe Biden? One has a knee-buckling smile and one doesn’t.”
Bronson attempted to apply for aid through Accessibility Services, but his request was swiftly rejected. Bronson remained perplexed, as he claims he included a file which he believed to be irrefutable evidence; the contents of which included a positive review of the 2017 box-office smash Get Out, and an MP4 file of the infamously short–sighted Kendall Jenner Pepsi commercial.
An anonymous source, who attempted to cheat off of Bronson’s test, can attest to the confusion evident in Bronson’s true/false answers. “He filled in true and false for every fucking question. One of the statements was 'Eminem is an African American rapper.' He just crossed out the ‘American’, and scribbled that we’re all technically from Africa.”
Bronson will be meeting with Professor Christian Caron this week to discuss his colour blindness. He remains hopeful that his condition will be dealt with before finals.
“They have to do something don’t they? I’m facing adversity due to circumstances completely out of my control… They are clearly biased against me for some reason... It’s just so unfair!”
Photo: Ruven Samaraweera