“I didn’t study for this exam but I brought 26 pencils with me, so I think I’m good”

 

Brandon Miller, a second year Anthropology major, has gathered up each and every pencil in his room, carefully stuffing them in a dirty Ziploc bag. After an hour of searching, he managed to find 26. The dichotomy of the collection is impressive: a good mix of wood pencils, cheap mechanical ones, and “those ones you had in second grade with all the bitemarks and saliva on them.”

 

In addition to his pencils he also packed a large pocket watch to keep track of time, his lucky nalgene water bottle, and five erasers that still have a little bit of hair on them from being stuck at the bottom of his knapsack.

 

In a statement to the Boundary, Brandon claimed:

 

“I spent so much time gathering up these vital supplies that I actually never got a chance to study for any of my exams –– but that’s fine! The people who actually studied have already failed because they only brought, like, three wooden pencils. All their pencils are going to breakdown catastrophically and they won’t have enough backups to use. It’s not the work you put in that matters when it comes to exams, it’s the mentality and focus as well as the supplies that you bring in with you that make the biggest difference. I know that I’ll be getting an amazing mark on this one, which will be good after so many failures. Everytime I fail I bring one more pencil with me to the exam just to improve my chances.”

 

While we don’t encourage you to bet on Brandon’s chances of passing POL100 this time around, we do wish him best of luck with his next six years of undergrad, and we hope that everyone at U of T will show the same diligence as Brandon when preparing their writing supplies for exams.

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The Boundary is the University of Toronto's Satire Paper