Boomer Professor Enjoying Day Off

Usually, the protests at Queen’s Park are nothing more than an inconvenience for Professor Melvin Johnson.

 

Getting to work through the popular park is hard enough in the winter when the city doesn't take care of the paths, but as soon as students can feel their righteous indignation through the cold, Johnson’s life is all the more difficult. 

 

“After sitting in traffic on the Parkway, having to stop for gas, and discovering that my Keurig coffee from home is cold, the last thing I want is to be slowed down on my walk through the park. Usually, if the students have gathered especially annoyingly I’ll take an Uber from the lot to my offices”

 

But when asked about the Climate Walkout this Friday at 11:00 a.m., Johnson split into a wide grin. 

 

“I've been planning for weeks. I've convinced all my colleagues to encourage their students to skip their classes. I've told all my classes that they should go for the experience of being part of something world altering. If I actually cared I would have done something about this years ago” he said with a chuckle. “I've got big plans for my Friday off.”

 

Johnson has decided that the climate strike is the perfect opportunity to sit back, relax, and enjoy a drink and a cigar in his office and reminisce about the days before “this insane liberal attempt to give money to windmill companies for the sake of saving some turtles... or something” 

 

“These kids can run around all they want,” Johnson said, laughing. 

 

“The fact of the matter is that if they can’t look as cool Facebooking the polls as they do at the rally, they won't show up to vote and the Conservative party will be back again, as it should be.”

 

 

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The Boundary is the University of Toronto's Satire Paper