Study Shows Negative Correlation Between Time Spent Arguing with TA and Penile Length

A landmark biology study conducted by a team of University of Toronto researchers has revealed that “the more time an undergraduate spends arguing with his TA, the shorter predicted penile length he will have.” 

 

 

The researchers randomly selected individuals from a pool of 300 students enrolled in political science tutorials. 

 

Results showed a reduction of 0.2 inches below the 4.97 inch political science baseline for every minute spent arguing.

 

“This was a complete surprise to us,” said Dr. John Habschmitt, who spearheaded the three-year study. 

 

“No one would ever suspect that regularly hijacking tutorials and bickering with an underpaid Masters student about Rousseau’s ‘true intentions’ corresponds to kindergarten cock.” 

 

Dr. Habschmitt was quick to reassure that though he often disagreed with his own TA in his undergrad days, he is “within two acceptable standard deviations above the norm.”   

 

Further study is required to determine whether girth is influenced as well.

 

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The Boundary is the University of Toronto's Satire Paper