Toronto Fire Services Announces Key New Fire Station Across from Daniels Building

Spadina Crescent will soon be home to a much-needed fire station, located right across from the Daniels Faculty of Architecture, Landscape and Design.

 

Toronto Fire Services (TFS) announced the opening as a pragmatic move to tackle the daily fires erupting from the building's state-of-the-art laser cutters.

 

 

Daniels acquired sets of the sophisticated machinery to much fanfare last year, making it available to all students and members of faculty.

 

Although students must undergo training before they are eligible to use the apparatus, it hasn’t been enough to keep blistering infernos from arising in the machines. 

 

“We are happy to open a fire station at such a logical location,” said one TFS spokesperson. “But we must admit this could have been avoided had it not been for the students’ sheer incompetence”. 

 

It is not known when the station will be in operation, but insider sources say they expect it to be ready in time for the winter "when Daniels comes to resemble the Eye of Sauron." 

 

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The Boundary is the University of Toronto's Satire Paper