Toronto, ON: After receiving a below-average grade on his end-of-semester paper, first-year biology student Malcolm Deveaux has concluded that his crafty, soulless, son-of-a-bitch biology professor Alexander MacPherson is attempting to deliberately sabotage the life of a nameless, faceless 18-year-old in his class of 1,350.
“Maybe that’s how he gets his kicks,” reported Deveaux, passively slapping the cover page of his underwhelming lab report with the back of his hand.
Students in Deveaux’s introductory biology class have reported seeing standard material on course tests, and “somewhat difficult” multiple choice questions.
Professor MacPherson apparently spends class hours lecturing from the stage at Convocation Hall, teaching and occasionally answering questions. More than 1,300 students attend these daily lectures attempting to gain some insight into the dreaded final.
"He’ll be even more gutless next year, cross my heart,” asserted Deveaux. “One can only imagine what his students, like, next year are gonna have to endure. You gotta question their judgement to take the class in the first place.”