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  • Boundary Staff

Environment Canada: Perfect Conditions for Depression Forming Around St. George, Harbord

Toronto, ON: Environment Canada announced early this morning what they believe to be "perfect conditions for depression, anxiety and despair" forming around the John P. Robarts Library.

"Following yesterday's bout of ice pellets and freezing rain, the more significant freezing rain episode is about to commence. Ice pellets are expected to redevelop early this morning but change to freezing rain shortly thereafter. It is expected to taper off this afternoon or by early evening, aggregating up to 20mm. Ice accumulations of this magnitude combined with gusty northeast winds of 70 km/h, the Leafs' back-to-back losses and the recent election of Tyler Biswurm will likely result in intense depressive episodes and unprecedented nervous energy."

The Boundary sought out students to understand, firsthand, the ramifications of the current situation.

Fourth-year computer science major Amer Lawen had this to say: "I'm neck-deep in exams, the Leafs have dropped two straight, our campus looks like Hoth, and now Biswurm is in charge of my dental plan? Jesus."

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