Emily Vendler, a cat-loving English major who claimed to be “single by choice,” recently matched with the man of her dreams using the Aphrodite Project. The lucky gal and her new love match—the Northrop Frye Statue— have since been inseparable.
“Ever since my first day on campus, I knew he was the one. The whole suffering in silence thing just really gets me going. Also, have you seen that body? God, the man is chiseled,” swooned Vendler. “Sometimes I see him staring creepily at other girls, but I know what we have is real, so I’m not worried.”
Other English majors across UofT have expressed their disappointment after being paired with regular, living people. The creators of the Aphrodite Project warned that the situation might escalate:
“Having a bunch of people fighting over Frye by asserting their intellectual superiority over one another is a dangerous situation. We recommend non-English majors stay inside unless they want to be pummeled by incomprehensible word vomit.”
Vendler plans to fight hard to keep her man and threatens that anyone who might approach him will be forced to listen to her in-depth analysis of The Great Gatsby.
Photo Credit: Keah Sharma