First Year Avoids Half of Campus After Seeing All Hinge Matches
Nearly all first-years pick U of T to flex in their Instagram bios. Far fewer are committed to having a "real college experience"— but for most of these students, that’s all the commitment they'll have.
Like many other first-years, Kaitlyn Peters has been desperate to embrace her new U of T lifestyle. Eager to find her soulmate among the campus’ frat boys, gym rats, and international students she arrived at the brilliant, mildly hopeless idea of downloading Hinge. After waking up from an impromptu nap, she spent the rest of her SOC101 lecture crafting an immaculate profile, receiving 50 totally-genuine-and-intentional likes by the day’s end. She refused to disclose how many matches were made, but was reportedly proud of her ground-breaking conversation starter: "do u live on rez lol."
One week, 20 failed dates, and 12 questionable life stories later, Peters has a new problem: her habit of ghosting has left half of the campus off-limits. After spotting Frat Boy #2 stumbling eastbound on Hoskin Ave., her stroll from Sidney Smith to Robarts became a 40-minute odyssey. She claims that it was all worthwhile so as not to risk eye contact after he said "I love you" over buy one-get-one-lattés on their first date. Peters’ habits are also interfering with academics. Just yesterday she decided to drop her favorite course after seeing half of her disappointed dates pouring out of the Bancroft Building. "I wish I weren't so curious about the personality behind those iPhone 5 pictures," laments Peters, “but hey, at least I know my way around campus.”