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  • Madeleine Beckett

Knew It! Prof a Gemini



Athena Lightfoot, a UofT Astronomy major with a history of misreading course descriptions, was unfortunately correct in her analysis of her professor. “I always got Gemini energy from him, but when I stalked his Wikipedia page, I found out I was tragically (and unsurprisingly) right,” said Lightfoot.


It turned out the news only got worse from there, according to Lightfoot. “He’s got an Aquarius moon too—does this school even do background checks? They might as well have hired a sociopath!” she yelled, dramatically gesturing with her mood ring covered hands.

But his birth chart wasn’t the end of Athena’s problem with her “two-faced” professor.


“Last month I asked for an extension because I was welcoming in the age of Aries. It’s a very emotional event, as you can imagine,” Lightfoot recalled, “but the star-hater said it wasn’t a valid reason. Such an air sign move. Like, he literally studies the universe and the stars, and I want to astral project into the universe and the stars—we’re more similar than you’d think.”

Post-interview, The Boundary did some digging and was shocked to discover that Lightfoot’s professor is actually a Taurus. After we explained to Lightfoot that she misread the dates, she responded with the following statement:


“You know, I always secretly thought he was a Taurus, totally Taurus bull energy. I mean, it makes complete sense, he has that super stubborn aura about him. Yeah, he always gave me earthy vibes actually…”


Our reporter vacated the premises after Lightfoot began asking if they knew exactly what time they were born to the nanosecond.


Photo Credit: Madeleine Beckett



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The Boundary is the University of Toronto's Satire Paper