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  • Joseph Strauss

Astrology Friend “Knew This Would Happen”


Within a matter of weeks, the world went from viewing coronavirus as a distant concern to a deadly threat. While most were shocked by how rapidly the apparent seriousness of COVID-19 escalated, your friend who’s super into astrology was not.

 

“The signs were all there––it was obviously going to get bad,” says Vic student Cassandra, a Sagittarius who writes horoscopes as a hobby. “On January 12 there was an ultra-rare conjunction between Saturn and Pluto, so terrible things were destined to happen. I wrote a 3,000-word blog post about it.”


Cassandra then discussed the alignment of the stars on March 11–– the day the World Health Organization declared the coronavirus a global pandemic. “Literally that exact day was the Sun’s meeting with viral Neptune in Pisces, opposing the Full Moon in the health moderator sign of Virgo.” Riveting.


When asked to comment on how the coming months will unfold, Cassandra––citing the upcoming Venus retrograde––boldly predicted, “Connections will slow down,” without elaborating any further.


While people are relying on their nation’s leaders and legislators to implement reform that can flatten the curve, astrologers such as Cassandra implore that their voices are heard loudest. 


“In times like these, it’s more important than ever that we look to astrology for the answers,” says Cassandra, “and ignore everything else.”


Photo Credit: Ruven Samaraweera



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The Boundary is the University of Toronto's Satire Paper