Student's Brain Reopening at 50% Capacity
As the Province of Ontario enters the first stage of a three-step reopening plan, residents can once again return to indoor venues...
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Ben Lee
- Jan 29, 2022
3-Year-Old Truck Enthusiast Recruited by Anti-Vaxxers
“Beep beep beep,” said Brayden when asked to comment on the ‘Freedom Convoy’ protest.
Boundary Staff
- Nov 21, 2021
Dance Cave Packed With Newly Vaccinated 11-Year-Olds
“It’s so good to finally be back in the cave,” says 11-year old Mikey, a pre-COVID regular.
Shane Wang
- Oct 6, 2021
UCheck to Be Replaced by Big Red 'NO' Button
In an effort to simplify the school’s rigorous screening program, UofT has announced its plan to reduce UCheck to a single ‘NO’ button.
Nona Jalali
- Sep 27, 2021
Anti-Vaxxer Asks Teenage Son Where to Get Fake ID
“Papa needs a fake, my guy,” said Gus, after five minutes of mainly silence.
Joseph Strauss
- Jul 22, 2021
Blue Olympic Ring Forced to Isolate Following Covid Exposure
The blue ring's quarantine raises questions about whether it, or any of its ring-mates, have received a Covid-19 vaccine.
Nona Jalali
- Jun 14, 2021
Kin Student Refuses to Get Beta Variant
"Do you know how many kale-centric meals I’ve prepped? Fuck. If I knew I could still be a Beta after all this I never would've started."
Natalie Cader-Beutel
- May 19, 2021
Nine-Year-Old Born on Leap Day Turned Away for 18+ Vaccine
Misty-eyed, Johnson revealed that his leap day birthday made childhood extremely difficult.
Keah Sharma
- May 17, 2021
Americans Relieved They Can Continue Not Wearing Masks
“I mean sometimes I wore it on my chin as a fashion statement. But it didn't bring out my features, so I thought it was just best not to."
Keah Sharma
- Apr 21, 2021
Virus Snob Says Pandemic Hasn't Been Good Since First Wave
Hoffman went on to explain that he prefers a more cerebral brand of virus as opposed to “this Michael Bay blockbuster they call a pandemic."
Patrick Fraser
- Apr 15, 2021
Frats Serving Watered-Down Vaccines to First Years
"First years will love the frat experience: big house, big fun, big connections, and the best part, free vaccines for everyone!"
Joseph Strauss
- Apr 5, 2021
Student Pickpockets Self to Feel Like They're Studying Abroad
"At first I didn't know if it was worth the six-thousand dollars..."
Emory Claire Mitchell
- Apr 1, 2021
COVID Update: Doug Ford Moves Province Into "Friend Zone"
“Toronto, you may think that you’re not ready for the next step, but I really care about spending more time in you."
Joseph Strauss
- Mar 8, 2021
Giveaway! LIKE and SUBSCRIBE to Trudeau’s Channel for Chance at Vaccine
Should the contest go according to plan, fans will have a tempting 1 in 37 million chance at obtaining two doses of the Pfizer vaccine.
Emory Claire Mitchell
- Feb 10, 2021
COVID Test Most Intimacy Experienced in the Past Year
“The way he held the testing swab up to my nose was so gentle. It made me feel like a princess being swept away.”
Patrick Fraser
- Feb 4, 2021
Opinion: I Won't Get the Vaccine Until My Favourite Porn Star Does
Here's to the ones who make us feel the most.
Natalie Cader-Beutel
- Jan 20, 2021
Stoner “Totally Psyched” About New "U.K." Strain
"Anyway, I’m so psyched to light up a fire English J."
Joseph Strauss
- Dec 24, 2020
Public Health Ontario Warns to Steer Clear of Suspected Super-Spreader
The man was traced as having illegally entered the country from the North Pole, based on hoof-prints left by his magical flying reindeer.
Sammy Edwards
- Dec 6, 2020
Heart-Warming: COVID Denier Transforms Into Believer After I Sneeze On Them
"By Boy George, that same Reid Simmons who was once burning schoolyard children’s masks had magically transformed into a COVID believer..."
Boundary Staff
- Dec 4, 2020
“Burwash Has Never Tasted Better,” Says Student with COVID
Todd is lucky not to taste each ingredient in the “Sour Morrocan-Italian Cheesy Slice” served every month.
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