“It’s so good to finally be back in the cave,” says 11-year old Mikey, a pre-COVID regular.

In an effort to simplify the school’s rigorous screening program, UofT has announced its plan to reduce UCheck to a single ‘NO’ button.

“Papa needs a fake, my guy,” said Gus, after five minutes of mainly silence.

The blue ring's quarantine raises questions about whether it, or any of its ring-mates, have received a Covid-19 vaccine.

"Do you know how many kale-centric meals I’ve prepped? Fuck. If I knew I could still be a Beta after all this I never would've started."

Misty-eyed, Johnson revealed that his leap day birthday made childhood extremely difficult.

“I mean sometimes I wore it on my chin as a fashion statement. But it didn't bring out my features, so I thought it was just best not to."

Hoffman went on to explain that he prefers a more cerebral brand of virus as opposed to “this Michael Bay blockbuster they call a pandemic."

"First years will love the frat experience: big house, big fun, big connections, and the best part, free vaccines for everyone!"

"At first I didn't know if it was worth the six-thousand dollars..."

“Toronto, you may think that you’re not ready for the next step, but I really care about spending more time in you."

Should the contest go according to plan, fans will have a tempting 1 in 37 million chance at obtaining two doses of the Pfizer vaccine.

“The way he held the testing swab up to my nose was so gentle. It made me feel like a princess being swept away.”

Here's to the ones who make us feel the most.

"Anyway, I’m so psyched to light up a fire English J."

The man was traced as having illegally entered the country from the North Pole, based on hoof-prints left by his magical flying reindeer.

"By Boy George, that same Reid Simmons who was once burning schoolyard children’s masks had magically transformed into a COVID believer..."

Todd is lucky not to taste each ingredient in the “Sour Morrocan-Italian Cheesy Slice” served every month.

“Mum, do you think this mask looks a bit… tight?”

Missing the usual Reading Week shenanigans that take place every Fall? Worry not, for there's a COVID-safe way to get as plastered as you...