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  • Emory Claire Mitchell

COVID Update: Doug Ford Moves Province Into "Friend Zone"

For the last few weeks, COVID-19 restrictions have been loosening around the province, allowing people to enjoy more of the privileges brought on by sunny weather. These changes also brought on an increase of coronavirus cases and a rise in provincial tensions. Thus, on the evening of March 31st, Doug Ford announced that all of Ontario would be pulled back into the “Friend Zone.”

Ford has claimed these are the “emergency brake” provisions, to ensure that everything slows down just a little while longer. “We were all getting too close,” said Ford, “I just really appreciate the friendship between the city and the people—the last thing I want is to risk messing up years of history or possibly end up losing it altogether.”

While Ford seems thankful for everyone's friendship, Torontonians who have been following guidelines in hopes of becoming “something more” are getting impatient.

When we asked Toronto local Theodore Easton about the change in dynamic, he was visibly frustrated. “Why can’t Ford just accept that the people belong with the province?” said Easton in a huff. “We work so well together, and I’m tired of him saying that he has to change before we can be an item!”

Easton and others have even gone so far as to write letters to the city expressing their desire to skip the Friend Zone, and go straight to closing the social distance, if you know what I mean.

One deprived author writes: “Toronto, you may think that you’re not ready for the next step, but I really care about spending more time in you. In your parks, in your patios, even in your small businesses. You deserve someone who makes your small businesses happy again.”

It is yet to be seen if Ford will listen to the pleas of the city’s people. For now, we all wait to see if the bedroom pop playlist we made him will change his mind and let us get closer.

Photo Credit: CTV News Toronto


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