Rotman Student Tries to Monetize The Christmas Spirit

With December marking the fast-approaching end of the fall semester, students at the University of Toronto have already started to look forward to the end of finals and the holidays slated over the winter break, with Christmas at its head. 

Despite its commercialization, Christmas is usually a time for people to take time to appreciate the priceless things in life, like love, joy, wonder, and hope—all experiences that transcend dollar signs and fights at Walmart. Unfortunately, there is one Naughty List member looking to privatize peace on Earth. After realizing she is sitting on this untapped coal mine, Rotman MBA student Ebenezer McDuck is heading an initiative to paywall the Christmas Spirit. The project, backed by Amazon, Lockheed Martin, and BlackRock, aims to make these fundamental human experiences only accessible to those with a credit card.

“It came to me while watching a child skating with his family at Nathan Phillips Square. He and his parents were surrounded by lights under the embrace of a gentle snowfall—laughing, talking, just general merriment and whimsy. I couldn’t get over the fact that he got to form that core memory for free, and I knew I had to do something about it,” said McDuck, who then proceeded to take an enormous swig of Red Bull. “It’s not a stretch. We have already monetized key elements of Christmas—gifts, travel, food, entertainment, but nobody has actually tried to monetize The Christmas Spirit. You know, the intangible but all-encompassing feeling of wonder and joy that emanates from things like hugging your grandma, making snow angels, decorating little gingerbread men, and giving to the less fortunate. Everyone loves that stuff, so what if we could somehow capture it and sell it?” 

McDuck then explained how she envisioned a subscription model that could allow you access to The Christmas Spirit year-round. She also proposed a collection of Christmas Spirit-based NFTs to further consumer engagement. “The live service Christmas Spirit offerings could also help drive even greater synergies with holidays that lack a connection to a feeling of inescapable hope and happiness. We are also thinking of releasing add-ons to incentivize spending on lame holidays like Victoria Day and Shrove Tuesday. I also imagine we could include dynamic pricing elements during the most miserable months—like November and February—which would increase shareholder value.”

At press time, McDuck was seen running to catch the last taxi to the airport to meet the angel investor she finally realized she always loved with a bag containing a DVD of Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, an oversized net, and some old mason jars.