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  • Nona Jalali

Anti-Vaxxer Asks Teenage Son Where to Get Fake ID

With the Ontario government now requiring proof of immunization for visiting indoor settings, unvaccinated individuals have been in search of methods to weasel their way back into society. Gus Arnold, local anti-vaxxer dad and EDM lover, was experiencing serious clubbing withdrawal when he had an epiphany: all he needed was a fake vaccine passport and he’d be free to fist pump the night away with his 19-year-old “friends”.

Sheepishly, the father of three approached his coolest (and only) son, 17-year-old Alex, who sources say has successfully used a fake ID to score a six-pack of Palm Bay. “Papa needs a fake, my guy,” said Gus, after five minutes of mainly silence. Following an impressive, 12-second eye roll, Alex reluctantly decided to help out the man he once called his father.

With Alex’s street smarts on his side, Gus managed to track down an ID artiste who could help him fool even the shrewdest Dance Cave bouncers. Said the artiste: “I was a little concerned when I saw my customer wasn’t a cool teenager, but actually a 53-year-old man. I thought maybe he was a cop, but once he started ranting about people needing to do their own research, I knew he was for real.”

The Boundary’s Dance Cave correspondent will need to confirm this weekend the merit of the ID wizard’s handiwork. “I might’ve misspelled mRNA as mRnB,” the ID artiste admitted, “but other than that, it turned out pretty good. What? Usher was playing, you would’ve made the same mistake too.”

Photo Credit: AmoMama



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