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Dance Cave Packed With Newly Vaccinated 11-Year-Olds




With Health Canada approving the Pfizer COVID-19 vaccine for children ages five to 11, society is taking yet another step towards normalcy and getting lit with the boys. While adults have enjoyed the benefits of vaccination, small children who love going out on a Friday night have been forced to stay in and eat all their vegetables.


But with the government, mummy, and daddy finally approving the vaccine, children ages five to 11 everywhere are pre-ing on some Mike’s Hard and Pfizer, and are ready to finally turn the fuck up. This Friday night, Dance Cave was host to a crowd of immature, underaged boys––and joining the usual crowd were a bunch of freshly vaccinated, prepubescent children.


“It’s so good to finally be back in the cave,” says 11-year old Mikey, a pre-COVID regular. “I remember getting my first hug on a pretty wild 8 pm bender. Boy, was it dark outside.” Mikey was reportedly seen passed out in the men’s room from too much Smirnoff Ice and skipping his mid-day nap.


While five-to-11 year-olds are taking back their social lives, local four-year-olds have voiced frustration with their exclusion from the recent approval. Says one four-year-old: “We’re all trying to be patient with this, but it’s tough. We really miss Dance Cave. Last time I was there I couldn’t even speak in full sentences.”


Photo Credit: Nona Jalali

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