- Natalie Cader-Beutel
Nine-Year-Old Born on Leap Day Turned Away for 18+ Vaccine
Eric Johnson, a 2007 UofT graduate and Toronto resident, had been pumped that vaccines were now being offered to anyone 18 years and older. But upon arriving at a Pfizer pop-up clinic this week, an unfortunate obstacle stood in the way of his immunization: his age.
Johnson was born on February 29th, 1984, yet more than three decades after his birth, he’s still legally nine years old. Misty-eyed, Johnson revealed that his leap day birthday made childhood extremely difficult. “Mean kids at school used to bully me for being five years old when everyone else could go to PG-13 movies,” Johnson admitted, “but I guess it’s my fault for applying to Trinity College in the first place.” The adult man even recently attempted to obtain a fake ID, but a professional fraudster asserted that he could not morally sell a fake to someone as young as Johnson.
Despite his “ongoing fight against malicious ageism,” Johnson never thought he would be denied a possibly life-saving vaccine due to his mother’s incredibly irresponsible choice to give birth on February 29th.
The Boundary reached out to Amanda White, the nurse who turned Johnson away, for comment:
“Honestly, it’s simple. He’s only nine years old and vaccines haven’t been approved for that age group yet. We have no idea what the effects could be. He’ll just have to wait until the rest of the elementary-age children get called up. In the meantime, I’ve booked him for a physically distanced playdate with my eight-year-old nephew. I feel like they’d hit it off.”
Frustrated and exhausted from his vaccination failure, Eric returned to his mother’s house where he screamed about everything being unfair until his mom gave him a pack of Dunkaroos. Following the snack, Eric reportedly stated that he “doesn’t even care about the needle anymore.” He then turned on The Not-Too-Late Show With Elmo and promptly fell asleep within six minutes of the opening monologue.
Photo Credit: Reader's Digest; Joseph Strauss