On Sunday night, Ontario premier Doug Ford was honoured with an Academy Award for his remarkably successful portrayal of a real, living person and a politician with principles. Ford’s acting was good enough to get him a third majority government in an election only he wanted. Of course, the real winner of the election was once again the Did Not Vote Party, with 54.6% of the vote. We at The Boundary are deeply shocked and disappointed at the large number of non-voters, particularly in an election that was called, like, last week.
“It is truly impressive that the premier managed to maintain the semblance of being not horrible for an entire one-month election cycle. Feigning a livelihood and personality is a true feat, and likely one even more impressive than Timothee Chalamet’s upcoming biopic of Rob Ford.”, commented an anonymous Academy voter, adding that some credit should go to Trump for the tariffs making people forget about that whole Greenbelt thing. It was also reported that Conservative Party leader Pierre Poilievre would be receiving a Golden Raspberry for “Worst Portrayal of a Real Human Being”.
In some eyes, a win for Doug Ford is a win for all students, in that his entire campaign is based on alcohol accessibility. So, let’s raise a 7/11 champagne toast to all of this years Oscar and election winners!
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