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  • Patrick Fraser

“Nobody Panic, Everything is Fine,” Urges Hazmat-Clad Gertler



Early Monday morning, Gertler delivered the following statement:


“We are taking this situation very seriously. We want everyone to know that we are taking our time because we are just as panicked and terrified as you. They told me not to say that last part, but, whatever, if World War Z is going down I might as well be honest. Oh, and, sorry about the whole oil divestment/ lacking mental health services thing. Peace out, it’s been a wild ride.”


The Boundary will provide further updates as they become available.

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The Boundary is the University of Toronto's Satire Paper