Search
  • Joseph Strauss

Outrageous: Vape Shops Deemed Non-Essential


As “non-essential” businesses remain closed across the province in an effort to ensure social distancing is being maintained, some are confused––perplexed, even––by what exactly this “essential” designation entails. Take third-year student Dan Avery, for example.


“I was heading to Vape Vape Revolution for a little refill. I get to the entrance––and they’re closed! Some idiot in government decided vape stores were a  non-essential business,” said a distressed Avery. “I back groceries and everything, but daddy needs his 60% nic juice!”


While the past month has been a tumultuous time for Avery––his emergency supply of vape juice is running dangerously low––he has started an online petition in hopes that the government will reconsider whether the term “non-essential” applies to vape shops.


“Vape Vape Revolution is everything to me. If I want to pop on over and test drive a dozen vape pens, it should be within my rights as a Canadian to do so. This is a pandemic, people––access to vape shops has never been more essential. Maybe North Korea doesn’t think hitting a boxmod is essential. But you know what? We are the True North, strong and free. And if we aren’t free to vape in times like these, are we truly exercising the independence we’re told we have?”


Photo Credit: Ted Fraser

81 views

The Boundary is the University of Toronto's Satire Paper