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Student Finding it Harder to Watch Porn During In-Person Class


With September coming to an end, this means two things for UofT students: 1) it’s time to wake up the lead singer of Green Day, and 2) in-person lectures are finally in-person.


While it took some time for students to process that their professors are actually real people and have legs (What??!!!), students are finally adjusting to having to wear pants while learning. However, the same cannot be said for second-year Cinema Studies student Ryan Garland, who after his first ever in-person lectures has noticed that certain learning habits developed over the pandemic do not translate well to live lectures.


“I knew going to real UofT wasn’t going to be easy, but no one told me how hard it would actually be to watch porn during an in-person lecture,” Garland laments. “I mean the prof is right there. And even though I keep it at half volume, without an IRL mute button I can’t be certain that my classmates won’t overhear my moaning.”


“Ryan Garland? Yes, we can hear him moaning all the time during class,” reports classmate Percy Lewis, who was lucky enough to be assigned the seat next to Garland for the entire semester. “All the time and right in my ear.”


“Luckily,” says Garland, “most people are paying attention to the lecture slides so I’m able to focus on watching some porn, but not nearly enough as I could be in the comfort of my own home.”


Photo Credit: Daniel Golden and Patrick Fraser

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