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  • Patrick Fraser

Students Rally to Preserve Cash-Strapped “Dance Cave” as UNESCO World Heritage Site


With its pulsing lights, "SICKO MODE" and "Hey There Delilah" remixes, and the unexplained juxtaposition between the picnic tables and the funky art on the bar wall, Dance Cave is essential to the understanding of what it means to be young in Toronto. A hotspot for middle-aged hypebeasts who want to relive prom and 19-year-olds who still think kicking back six shots of Fireball is the peak of youth, the crowd is rowdy, uninhibited, and straight up revolting. 


However, students everywhere have become concerned that COVID-19 will render their favourite hook-up hunting spot non-existent. As a response, they have taken their case to the United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization for review. 


“We will not rest until justice is done. Dance Cave was the first place I puked publicly. It made me who I am,” said one petitioner, first-year Frank Oh.


“With the closure of Croc Rock we must be careful to protect what matters most,” noted third-year Amir Elahi. “What could matter more than restoring and preserving essential service services like Dance Cave. Where else will the people find joy? There's no other barn-like club that will provide the same sense of visceral disgust and desire.”


“What more does it mean to be human than to girate with strangers in a grimy attic?” said second-year Sarah Allen. “A world without The Cave is a world not worth living in.”


While the process ahead is long and hard, the students are hopeful for success.


Photo Credit: blogTO

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The Boundary is the University of Toronto's Satire Paper