U of T’s new grading policy, implemented just in time for exams, has shocked students across campus with its frank expression of the institution’s deeply discriminatory beliefs. After doing some digging, The Boundary discovered that U of T will now not only favour students who participate in the semi-mythical practice of “studying,” but also reward them with higher marks! We caught up with 3rd-year slacker Ruby Brooks to see just how devastating this change will be.
“Never in my life have I experienced such blatant elitism! Oh yeah, let’s just praise the boot-licking sycophants who study instead of people like me who have a life. So what if I got drunk and passed out at 3 pm the day before the exam? How else was I supposed to calm my nerves?”
Rumour has it that the new policy will not only reward students for attending lectures, but also for taking notes and reviewing class material in their free time. “Look at slides outside of class? What am I, some kind of overachieving know-it-all freak?” Brooks bitterly exclaimed. “Honestly, it’s such a joke. The TA should have known that when I said there were 300 pairs of nerves in the spinal cord I meant 31. What ever happened to giving people the benefit of the doubt?!?”
It is worth noting that some students are on board with this little stunt, excited to finally get the credit they deserve. “Elitist? No… I feel like it’s not really that crazy that the people who study get better marks, it’s not a conspiracy theory” expressed local tryhard Jonathan Wallace. Sounds like he’s been convinced.
When asked for any final thoughts, Brooks vowed to adamantly oppose this prejudiced scheme unlike the flocks of sheeple that surround her. “If they think I’m studying for the rest of my exams, they’re sorely mistaken. See how they like failing grades across the board. That’ll show ‘em!”