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  • Emmett Zych

Elf Roommate Never Has Time to Hang Out Anymore



As students gear up for a challenging exam season, at least for those in programs that will actually lead to employment, tensions are high. For some, the stress of finals can even strain friendships. Karl Peters, a first-year just trying to get through the season, feels like his roommate, Merry St. Pierre, hasn’t been prioritizing their friendship lately.


Since Frosh week, Karl and Merry have been as close as can be, but Karl tells us that recently, something has changed. “When Merry’s OSAP dried up, he had to get this job somewhere up North that makes him work these crazy long hours. He’s been away for days at a time. When he’s at the dorm, he’s locked in his room, and I swear I can hear tool sounds echoing down the hall. Otherwise, he’s on the phone with this old guy who keeps setting crazy deadlines.”


Karl told The Boundary that St. Pierre needs to start taking care of himself. “I don’t think he’s eating right. I looked into his room the other day, and all I saw were Monster energy cans and sugar plums.”


Living with a workaholic can create a toxic living environment at the best of times. “I tried talking to him,” Peters said. “He just snapped and went, ‘What, do you think Jesus is the one who makes your gifts?’ and kept hammering away at a Dollhouse.”


Still, even the most well-meaning of us have our breaking points. “I came back early from class one day, and when I opened the door, he was cutting these huge lines of peppermints,” exclaimed Peters. “That pointy-eared fuck is on my last nerve,” he sighed. “I’d report him, but it's not like the Don will care. Who do you think is selling him the mints?”

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