The Boundary Campus Safety Initiative would like to make the U of T community aware of a troubling new act of voyeurism.
An unidentified male has been sighted East of Queen’s Park near campus, peeping on unsuspecting students discussing housing and frightening customers at local businesses. He fled after being spotted, seeking shelter from the university’s hostile leftist environment.
The suspect is described as:
- Male, 55-60 years of age, and approximately 5’6”-5’8”
- Attends chamber meetings at Queen’s Park
- Was involved in the Greenbelt Statute Law Amendment Act
- Smells like cheese
If you observe this individual, do not engage, as he is known to respond aggressively to the mention of hash, unions, and belts. If you feel that you or your rent prices are in imminent danger, please contact Campus Safety and tip your landlords immediately.
Students are reminded of the various safety measures available while this individual remains at large, including finding a 9th roommate, stealing groceries, and moving to Alberta.