OpEd: YorkU Has Oil and Yearns For Freedom

Perhaps it is silly to write an OpEd about a university most UofT students couldn’t locate on a map, but the call of moral duty on occasion supersedes common sense. It is incontrovertibly true that York University can no longer tolerate the status quo. Pain me as it does, I believe that we have a moral responsibility to initiate a special military operation to North York and liberate the region.

York University once was a land of abundance, where the ethnic minorities in its Glendon region enjoyed relative equality and the great scholars pursued groundbreaking research in the critical humanities. Alas, this prosperity could not last, and a despotic regime has driven out the humanists, crushed dissent, and enforced starvation on the Francophones in Glendon. Meanwhile, recently deposed President Rhonda Lenton built half of a medical campus in the Markham desert to stroke her own ego. Yet, her downfall has not brought brighter days to York. Worse than a sociologist that crushes unions and students alike, the new president is a lawyer.

Some would blame York’s woes on resource deprivation, but this cannot be true. York is rich in petroleum, natural gases, and critical minerals. Its people could be among the wealthiest in the world, but the profits from this natural bounty are funneled into the corrupt regime’s mega-monuments and cash sinks like the Schulich School of Business. Only U of T has the resources and the firepower to intervene on behalf of the oppressed masses of Glendon and North York. It is probable that the process of reintroducing democracy to York will be slow and arduous, that it will require U of T to manage their affairs for them for some time, but this is our burden as the shining beacon of democracy and liberty that we are.

I urge President Woodin and the Governing Council to move to launch an operation to liberate York University as soon as possible. And if they’re open to suggestions afterwards, I think there might be helium deposits at George Brown College.