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  • Madeleine Beckett

Parents Secretly Relieved Drama Student Stranded for the Holidays


“In light of the recent coronavirus numbers, we felt it was the responsible decision to spend winter break apart,” said Mrs. Wilson, mother and reluctant supporter of peppy Drama major Tracy Wilson. It’s been 525,600 minutes since the Wilson family has seen their favourite/only daughter, but her parents are feeling more of a shamed sense of relief, rather than sorrow, as the holiday season rolls around.


While most children grew out of performing at family gatherings, Tracy continued her annual attempt at belting “Defying Gravity” through years of pubescent pitchiness and awkward stage presence. “She never quite hit any of the notes,” Mrs. Wilson uttered with an uncomfortable smile. “But she always was so generous as to give each of us an encore for our Christmas gift."

Though most families dread the prospect of politics coming up at Christmas dinner, the Wilsons feared Tracy’s two-hour argumentative PowerPoint: Cats (2019) An Underrated Masterpiece. “Jason Derulo publically complained that the SFX team removed too much of his cat bulge, and I really think he had a point,” Mr. Wilson admitted.


“Of course we’ll miss our little Tracy this year,” Mrs. Wilson said with a heavy heart. “And the costumes, and rehearsing lines together, and the entire recitation of Hamilton in any car ride, and spending our retirement savings on headshots. But we have to sacrifice all of those...dear, dear quirks in order to be safe.”


Photo Credit: Nona Jalali

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The Boundary is the University of Toronto's Satire Paper