Rotman Student Tries to Use Peterson's 12 Rules For Life on Waitlist

TORONTO -- Being waitlisted for a course is a frustrating experience. That’s why Jack Elmer, a 2nd year Rotman Commerce student, is trying to find a way around it.

“Bro, Jordan Peterson is the GOAT, man! He knows what’s up. All I have to do is use these 12 rules, buy three more tickets to ‘male self-improvement’ seminars, and that waitlist will be toast,” he says.

Intrigued, The Boundary decided to investigate further. Elmer claims that controversial former Professor Jordan B. Peterson’s acclaimed self-help book outlines the following steps for getting off a course waitlist: First, be a lobster, because lobsters recognize hierarchy and don’t get caught up in progressive identity politics. This will allow you to grovel in front of your college registrar. Then, go on a podcast and cry about the Biblical story of Cain and Abel. Condemning fratricide is a sure way to show the registrar that you are a good person who deserves that seat in RSM260. Finally, if all else fails, gain the registrar’s sympathy by getting addicted to benzodiazepines. Nothing that could go wrong there!

The Boundary was unable to determine whether Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life was a useful guide to course enrollment woes. At press time, Elmer and the Rotman Commerce registrar were in the emergency room being treated for lobster-related injuries and therefore unavailable for comment.