UC Orientation Allegedly Used Mediaeval Torture

Orientation is a week-long program designed to give new students a glimpse of university life before their classes and subsequent mental health issues begin. Students sign up under the impression that they will get to tour campus and make new friends. For some, however, this is not the case.

Andrea had signed up for University College's orientation, UC Royale, thinking it would be a week of fun, mediaeval-themed events. What she didn't know was that the leaders would take it too far. Shortly after spending her life savings ($90) on a ticket to attend UC

Royale, Andrea watched as her leaders used the money to purchase various mediaeval torture devices off of Amazon.

"I literally watched my friends get drawn and quartered in front of me! Mackenzie showed up five minutes late for arts and crafts and they put her in the brazen bull," she says.

Lucas Williams is a UC first year student who was a victim of one of these devices: "I forgot to wear my shirt one day, and my leader wheeled in a package and opened it in front of us. I was like, 'What do you guys need an iron maiden for?' thinking it was some kind of joke. They pushed me in and slammed the door," he informed our reporter from his hospital bed.

The UC Orientation team says they made Instagram story posts reminding everyone to come to events on time wearing their UC Royale shirt, but too many didn't listen. "It was a last resort," says Emma Johnson, a UC orientation leader. "I said, 'bitch you better come in the UC Royale shirt we gave you or we're gonna bring out the pear of anguish, but they didn't believe me. We don't play around here. This is a university, not a summer camp."

Several students were rushed to the hospital in critical condition following these incidents. University College declined to comment.