Yorkville Resident Breathes Same Air As Minimum Wage Worker, Dies

YORKVILLE -- Priscille James Weston was an upstanding member of the community. Elegant, considerate and well-connected, she was a Yorkville staple until her tragic death following exposure to a deadly pathogen: someone of a lower social class. 

“She was a good person,” says her grieving neighbor Louis Steward. When asked to elaborate on her qualities, he gave a blank look and said “I think she donated to a charity once. At least that’s what she told me after I saw her buy her most recent Porsche." 

James’s personal associate Elise also told The Boundary of Priscille’s charity donation. We expressed sympathy and said that her neighbor stated something similar. “She had a neighbor? And an apartment? I’ve never seen her outside of the Bottega on Bloor. There are rumors she evaporates when she leaves the store. I thought that was how she died. Was it not?”

This was not, in fact, how she died. Priscille had been walking down Cumberland St. with her latest Ralph Lauren haul when she happened to walk past a man who was on his way to work at the Bloor McDonald’s. Witnesses say she clutched her purse so fast that her arm detached. At the same time, she gasped for air and began to cough desperately. She was found deceased soon after, after choking out “I could pay for a private doctor for this!”